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getting fit

I've been doing exercise almost every day for the past two weeks. Today, I went to the gym for a second time in a row. The gym is open six days a week, and I plan to be there every day that it's open. Two weeks of exercise, and a week of paying more attention to what I eat... I've lost four pounds already. If I lose another 20, then I will no longer be considered "overweight."

Looking forward to fitting back into all my old pants. :)
Today in a HoF Achievement run

Asshat: *talking about getting killed in the last fight* It's like the more DPS you do, the more the boss turns and says, "Hey YOU, I'm gonna rape your balls!"
Me: Um... Some of us really don't appreciate certain subjects being made light of.
Asshat: LOL are you saying my balls are light?

And once again, Useless Husband DOESN'T speak up. He doesn't even have the fucking excuse of not reading raid chat, or not wanting to antagonize his family (who, in all other circumstances, he claims not to give a rat's ass about).  He couldn't have NOT heard it. Seriously, fuck.

Dear Clothing Industry:

Yes, I am a woman. NO, I do NOT want my boobs, shoulders, back, or midriff to be exposed. See, when i shop for LONG SLEEVES, it's because I'm COLD and want to cover up more! Guess what? Boobs, backs, shoulders, and midriffs can ALL get cold, too!! Even when the other three are covered, the exposed one can STILL be cold! Can we just PLEASE make a shirt with long sleeves that covered everything that ISN'T shaped like a box? PLEASE? I'd trying to get out of my t-shirt and hoodie funk, and I want to start wearing more fitted clothing but I just can't deal with all this exposed skin in cold weather.

Exploring communities.

Kinda nervous about joining communities. All of my old high school friends quit LJ a long time ago, so I don't really know anyone on LJ right now, and it seems lost of places want you to have a full friends list to join. There are lots of comms I'd like to join to make new friends on, but it's like... How am I supposed to make friends in the communities if teh communities won't let me join unless I have friends?

Kind of like how I can't get a job ANYWHERE because even MCDONALD'S and WAL-MART want 6 months minimum experience. How am I supposed to get experience if NO ONE will hire me without experience?

just saying..... community owners? I'm not a jerk. At least, I don't think I am.... please let me join your community. If I act like an asshole, then kick/ban me, but don't pre-judge just because I haven't had a chance to explore yet.

Medication

Today I went to the doctor to consult about starting St. John's Wort for depression. The ONLY reason I consulted a doctor is that I'm already taking fexofenadine (Allegra) for allergies, and I read online that SJW can cause the body to process Allegra more slowly, making it stay in the body longer and put me at greater risk for side effects. I was informed at the doctor's office that the actual interaction is that SJW decreases the effectiveness of Allegra, and does the same to ALL allergy medicines except for Flonase nasal spray. I was told that all patients react differently, and while it's recommended that I don't take SJW because it could negatively impact my allergies, I can still give it a one week trial period to check. I was also told that Allegra is safe to take at 12 hour intervals, so if I experience a decreased effectiveness, then I can take 2 Allegra a day and see if that helps. If I'm still having bad allergies, then I should stop taking the SJW.

I then asked if there was something else I could take for depression besides SJW if it did interfere with my allergy meds. My question was not answered. I was simply told, "If St. John's Wort interferes with your Allegra, then stop taking the St. John's Wort." No answers as to what I could take for depression that wouldn't interfere with my Allegra.

I didn't push the issue. I should have. If I were a normally functioning human being whose medical condition were being dismissed or ignored, then I would have pushed the issue and demanded an answer to my question. But I'm not a normally functioning person. If I were functioning normally, then I wouldn't be taking SJW to begin with and wouldn't have been asking how it interacts with Allegra. It's weird... Like, IN the office, speaking with the doctors and nurses, I can't even form the THOUGHTS to say anything back to them about how they're dismissing my condition out of hand. After I leave, I'm stewing in my anger at how they didn't even bother to ask me what I'm going through that I'm taking SJW for. They KNEW. They even said, "I assume you're taking this for depression. That's what people usually take it for." But that was the only time they acknowledged that I might actually be depressed.

This country is so afraid of mental disorders. Practically the only people that even get diagnosed are rich white people who pay loads of money their fancy private practice doctors to tell them what they want to hear. Many of them don't even hvae what they're getting diagnosed with.... They're just bored, and mental illness is interesting, AND gives them an excuse to be shitty to people. "Oh, I'm not a shitty person, I just have Asperger's. It's okay for me to scream at the waiter and stiff him on the tip just because my filet mignon was slightly overcooked. I'm bipolar! Oh, I'm not blowing you off, I can't give you a ride to the airport because I have anxiety."

Meanwhile, there are a ton of people who actually HAVE Asperger's, or depression, or anxiety, but they never get diagnosed and treated because they're people like me who are on their parents', spouses, or even government welfare insurance.... or don't even have insurance at all because they can't afford it. and the doctors dismiss people like us because they don't make the big bucks from us. They assume that we're making shit up to get painkillers because anyone who's not in the top 1% is clearly a drug addict.

But, despite wanting to avoid conflict, and despite being terrified of going to the doctor, I am going go back, every day if I have to, to get something for the depression and anxiety I feel. I know I'm not making it up because I have to live with myself. I would rather go around the long way than say "excuse me" to someone in a grocery store who is being inconsiderate and taking up the whole isle. I actively avoid movie theaters because I am too afraid of other people to tell the selfish jerk in the next seat to put away his freaking cellphone and quit texting in the middle of the movie. I wake up every day knowing that I'm unhappy with myself because I'm just a little bit fat, but I can't do anything about it because what's the point? I'm not that pretty anyway. I'm sad all the time, and it doesn't feel like there's that much hope, and even when something good happens, and I get a little bit of money for my birthday, I feel guilty when I spend it on something just for me, because I should put it towards bills instead. I feel trapped in my own head, like a bird in a cage that's just too small, and I have no idea how to make it bigger. THE FISH ARE DEAD. THEY'RE JUST DEAD! I CAN'T MAKE THEM NOT-DEAD, AND I DON'T NEED TO FIND THEM BECAUSE I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THEY ARE. THEY'RE JUST DEAD!

New boss down in WoW

I feel like my little guild is actually doing pretty well in the whole raid scene, especially since we only raid 4 hours a week. Sure, we haven't downed Garrosh on Normal, but can you point me at a guild who raids as little as we do that has?

ANYWAY... Our progression as been something to the tune of, every week that we have ALL of our raiders who up for both raid nights (and some of our raiders are active duty military, so they can't always ALL show up. It's not an attendance problem; it's a "life happens" problem) we get a new boss down. THIS week, we didn't raid on Wednesday because it was the night before Thanksgiving, and I, for one, was going to have to skip that night because I had family in town. I guess enough other raiders were in similar situations because the whole raid was cancelled. We did raid on Sunday, though, and we extended the previous week's lockout to face down Malkorok. We downed Malk for the second time ever, and took our first look at Spoils. After many, many wipes to the enrage, we finally pulled it off, and phat lootz were had by much of the raids.

I can't say that I'm particularly happy about the upcoming WoD raid changes, but I definitely like the bonus loot rolls added in MoP.

I didn't get loot, but nobody's going to shed any tears about that because, at this point, the only upgrades for me are going to be heroic loot or normal mode Best In Slot items. I'm really happy seeing int cloth NOT dropping, to be honest. It's upsetting when they have to shard it because I'm the only one who can use it and either A) I'm already wearing it, or B) I may not be wearing  THAT particular item, but what I am wearing is itemized better and/or best in slot.

I'm looking forward to WoD because I don't want to leave my current raid, but I WOULD like to up my raid time a bit, and the whole "YOU get an insta 90! and YOU get and insta 90! EVERYONE gets an insta 90!!!!" thing is going to enable me to have a new raiding lock without having to go through the painful process of leveling and gearing a fresh alt.

"Why another warlock and not some other class?" you might ask? ....Because I know how to play a lock already, and I can show other raiding guilds the kind of uberdps that my current one pulls in current content, and be like "You can have this in YOUR raid for WoD."

Also: I have noticed a marked increase in my reaction time since getting the new gaming mouse. My CoE and Immolate uptimes are greater, and I spend less time standing in fire. Not that I stood in fire a lot before, mind you, but I get out of it faster. Still using KJC for my 90 talent, although I find myself using GoSac for raiding more and more, only switching back to GoSup for solo content out in the world.

Bringing LJ Back

I'mma preface this by saying.... I haven't been on LJ since like... 06? ish? Maybe 07, but my last entry seems to be 06. That was when I was a wee little high school girl. Things seemed so much more complicated back then, and now it all seems so simple. Like, seriously, I wish I could go back to my 8th grade self (who was apparently pining over some asshat saxophone player) and slap that sniveling little fool and say "STUDY MOAR!!!! GO TO COLLEGE!!!" because I was the dumbass who tried to make a go of it in the military (with a history of asthma and emotional instability) rather than go to a college that wanted me just because the one college I wanted wouldn't give me a full ride after I failed spectacularly at Calculus.

FFS, Self, what were you THINKING??

So.... all entries up to this point are locked as "private," because, tbh, I just don't feel like being judged based on some stupid crap I said when I was in the 13-15 range. I'm older, wiser, and far less whiny these days.